Where can you find an objective listener? Clergy, funeral directors, family therapists, nurses, social workers or a physician can be objective listeners.
Yes, there are professionals who specialize in grief counseling and grief therapy, but there are still many places to seek support. Do what is comfortable for you.
Do not forget churches, synagogues, community centers, and neighborhood centers where support persons gather. On a personal side, friends and family are support systems that are there for support. This is for the death of a loved one, and continues during the rituals after the death. In our modern culture we expect immediate gratification, but after personal experience I have discovered that everyone processes grief at a different rate. Some cope and adapt to a death better than others while others never successfully get through grief.
Grief counseling and grief therapy is not for everyone. It is not a “cure all” for every one. The goal is to find your new “norm”. After a loved one dies they remain part of your life and you now develop this new relationship with the person that has passed on. The task is to adjust your life goals to successfully include this loss.
First of all, thank you SO much for your book. I downloaded it to my Kindle and just finished reading it. I know I will read it again as some of it was cloudy through the tears. We just lost our 11 year old son, our only child, on July 19th and like you, we are devastated. We were so lost but we both have an amazing family and friend support system. We probably went too soon but attended a Compassionate Friends meeting on August 8th. Our sadness was compounded at this meeting when all of them said that losing an only is no different than having additional children. It was such a shock. I could not believe what I was hearing. I will never hear mom again (too old to start over), no chance at grandchildren and they don’t think additional children makes a difference. Please understand, losing a child is devastating no matter what but your ONLY, why was that not acknowledged? When I said something about grandchildren, some acted as though they don’t want them because of the hassles of it all or something like that. Is there a group for just losing an only?
We are also seeking counseling but would love to meet others in our position.
Thanks again for your book… I know I will be holding that close for many many years to come.
Hugs,
Carole
Hi Carol.
Thank you so much for your comments. I believe everyone is deep in their own grief and they cannot imagine that it could be any worse for a parent of an only child. The piece that others do not totally get is our future is erased. No grandchildren, no graduations etc… So, I concede that every child is an only. Our prize is we know where our child is, we know they are safe, happy, free from pain, no worry about jobs, bad marriages, or unhappiness. We won’t have a daughter in law or son in law we don’t like!
I did not find any resources for parents that have lost an only child, thus, I wrote the book. I felt like it was a book that needed to be written because we have a generation of “only children”.
My heart goes out to you. There is no easy way to do this but I encourage you to do it well. Do it for your child. That is what they want.
Tomorrow is Levi’s birthday. He would be 28. I will celebrate him tomorrow but in my heart of hearts I would give anything for a hug.
A Hug to you and your husband.
D